July 20, 2015

"Not a time to mess around"

Hey Team,

Have you ever had to say no to a friend? As in, advances from a friend? I did recently, and it's the first time it has ever happened to me. Not showing off here, merely telling you. In order to not seem like a stereotype, (i.e. prude, bitch, ice queen, insensitive), I wanted to get some thoughts down about it. The best remedy I can think of.

If you are female, or know any, our brains are wired by Edward Scissorhands on heroine. I'm grateful to be a woman, but sometimes I just want a flip to switch so I can stop thinking about everything all at once. So here's my run down of thoughts post no.

First, there's the obvious thoughts that came to my mind within seconds. Am I easy? Do I give off the signals that I am desperate, lonely, and I would be up for anything? Furthermore, why do men always get away with "scoring" in whatever sense, and women have to be punished, or ashamed of being too forward with men?
Second, could this ruin any hopes of potential ____________? (friendship, dating, hanging out, so on and so forth) I would also argue this goes for men and women. Could I be taken seriously by this person if I ask that we start dating?
Third, what if it got out, and then what will my reputation be in our circle of friends, or the other person in the equation? How would it hurt them?
Fourth, what ground rules have I set for myself, and do I have the discipline and control to stick to them?

I called my best friend first, and he said it has everything to do with the other person, and I shouldn't internalize any of it. Next, I called my sister for some perspective, and she paid me one of the highest compliments I've ever received. I gave her my reasons for saying no, which included wanting to be in a relationship with the person before anything like this took place, understanding and maintaining  self-respect, being wary of temporary happiness, and avoiding becoming attached to someone who has no interest in giving me the same treatment.

She said "Good Job Jadie!" (she's the nicknamer of the fam) "That would be potentially okay to do at 19, but not now. This isn't a time to mess around."

So I made the right decision. Semi-flattering, but more of a bummer since I don't know how to navigate from here. Any advice?

Here's to adulthood,


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