Unqualified Advice: Kept

Hey Team,

So I've been thinking about this for weeks and weeks, and I'm finally ready to put all of my thoughts down on the matter. Each of us are allowed our opinions, so here is mine. Note that this is completely unqualified advice on the matter of marriage and families, because I am a single, white, privileged, educated woman, and have no true experience in some departments.

I'm going to make the general observation that many women inside and outside my religion want to become kept women. They will only work if they "have to", and/or until they get married. I want to be clear that there is nothing wrong with raising families, having children, all of that stuff. It's a beautiful gift that I believe God has given us. The thing I take issue with is the notion of being taken care of fully and completely by another person. Emotionally, physically, and especially financially. Not that this isn't every girl's dream right? The slick-haired hunk riding up on his stallion, and taking you off to your Mc-Mansion, so you can cook him dinner, clean his clothes, and generally put up with him for a long, long time.

This notion of being "kept" also makes my head spin because I was taught the opposite as I grew up and still to this day. We worked, we earned our "rent" of living in my parents home. John and Debby knew how to discipline my siblings and myself, and truly taught me the meaning of good, hard, work. I thank my lucky stars that he wasn't just handing me money whenever I needed it, I had to earn it for the most part. Our relationship didn't become such that it became my sole purpose in life to find a 6-figure man who could grant me my every wish. I think that is too easily giving up your own power, your own capabilities, and the responsibility you owe to yourself, not only as a woman, but as a human being.

Not that I have mastered responsibility by any means, and I have to reel myself back in every single day, but it has truly taught me something, along with Dave Ramsey. Being self-sufficient is priceless. There is nothing like paying for something that you have scrimped and sacrificed for. That exquisite gift that you give for Christmas that you saved all year for, or that bucket list vacation that you have dreamed of for so long. So in my adult life, (whenever it shows up), I hope to work my whole life long. It is truly a blessing to work. I have so many examples of single and married woman who have made the most of their lives,whether they have families or not. I don't think it has to be one or the other, you just have to choose what is right for you, and what is responsible for yourself and those you love. I have many goals and dreams for myself, and I'm not waiting around for someone to bring them to my feet. I'm climbing my mountain to reach them whether Charming comes along or not.

Here's to keeping myself,

Jana