July 12, 2013

Fads that Must Go

Hey Team,

I normally don't think of myself as a fashionista by any means. I usually shop by the color of the top only, and price too, and that's only half of the equation. Plus, if you've ever seen the Woman's Fashion section of Pinterest, you almost want to give up on life because you see all of these other women with the most amazing hair, nails, closet and most likely boyfriends or husbands. (Isn't that always the way it goes?)

But I've come up with a few trends I typically find when I go to church, or out somewhere and they make me bonkers. I don't mean to be judg-ie Jana, but here I am, trying to make sure people know they are in 2013, instead of the 90's. Not that they weren't a magical time full of Rugrats, Legends of the Hidden Temple, and the most amazing shows that ever graced the cable circuit. But can't we all agree to throw away the pooka shell necklaces and decide that American Eagle clothing is no longer the cool place to shop? Whenever I see a shirt or even a logo from AE, I'm automatically taken back to the Centerville Junior High gym, full of braces and B.O., and big dreams to dance with that one special boy to Lifehouse's, "You and Me".
Please, I beg of you, just stop wearing those shirts and necklaces.

Other offenders include:

White T-Shirts paired with Spaghetti Strapped Tank Tops

These are really difficult for me to abide. I understand being modest is important, but I typically go for a sleeveless tank top, with a wide upper half  that nearly reaches my shoulder with a sweater over the top. In most situations, these smaller noodle straps aren't really very flattering,even with Michelle Obama Arms. Unless diamond encrusted, these are also not nice enough for any occasion, (casual or otherwise), and typically match the disastrous floral skirt from preschool or same color flip-flops on the bottom. Let them be a layering tool beneath your shirts, ladies. They are a vital necessity if those jeans tend to fall down, and you are a butterfinger dropper, and need to bend over without showing the entire world your bottom nether-regions. Tuck them in, or layer beneath a t-shirt, never above please.

Cowboy Boots (outside of the Rodeo)

Now don't get me wrong with this one. I love the cowboy way of life. If we were all independently wealthy, we'd all have a summer home in Jackson Hole and take long rides on a spectacular Pomeranian horse, and bale some hay. But since we are here in the city, (most of us anyway), and I think the boots should be left for the rodeo, country concerts, and cop-out costumes at Halloween. If you really want to wear boots in the summer heat, try ankle boots that are truly the better choice, and won't make your feet hurt so much the next day. Plus, they won't have you sweating buckets in the summer heat.

Flowers in your Hair

This is huge one amongst Mormon girls. Bless our hearts, we just want to all be pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen! What else in life is there right!? WRONG! I want to have an actual come to Jesus (coming to terms) with so many girls in my ward that wear one every.single.week. They match their top, and possibly purse and bag depending on their match-i-ness meter for the week. Sisters, flowers are for planting in your faith garden, wearing in a halo for that summer, bohemian, white dress photoshoot you've been dying to do, and if you are lucky enough, catching the bouquet  at the 35 wedding receptions you've been invited to this summer. So please just take them out. Please leave them for the 1-10 year old girls who qualify to wear them.

White Peasant Skirts in the Dead of Winter

Stacy and Clinton have taught me the white rule from a very young age, and I hold it close to my black little heart. No white after Labor Day, and I usually don't whip out my white shoes until after Memorial Day, (with the exception of Easter). Plus in the dead of winter in Utah, who wants to be growing an extra inch of hair on those unshaved legs, under that peasant skirt that doesn't offer any kind of warmth? Wear the boots honey, wear the boots. They look great with some longer skirts, pencil shirts, you name it. Anything is better than your favorite white peasant skirt from 4th grade. Throw it out. You can buy a better alternative, like an actual dress, when Easter rolls around.

So there are my recent fads that must go. I hope I wasn't too harsh, and the girls who are multiple offenders will never read this blog. But I've said my peace, and I feel better about the world! Here's to my next retail therapy session.


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