(The following post is not a pitty party, simply taking a problem, and making sure I document and learn from it.)
So January was pretty crap-tastic. It shouldn't have been, because I turned 22. It really was the best birthday to date. So thank you team for that. I am drawing near an age I shouldn't be ashamed of. (Most of us kept this fact a secret as long as possible when entering a singles ward.) Some still cringe when I mention 1990 as the year I was born. Sorry, but if you don't like that, take it up with the big man upstairs.
So now you are asking yourself why/how my birthday month could have been that bad/sad. Well, I got laid off. First time ever, and I fully understand the feelings of despair, self-doubt, and the clouds rolling in. I just broke down. I of course called my Dad, and started crying. Right there, on that ancient bench in the LNCO lobby. I had a few clues before the deed was done, so I did have time to prepare myself, start looking for other work, and saying goodbye to my favorite people.
Some people might say, it's just a job, it's not like they cut off your arm. But if you know anyone in my family, Stoneman or Freemyer side, you know we work. Not like some part-time gig, 40 hours, every week, year in year out. My brother Jordan loves work. He's addicted to it. He's the Larry H. Miller of the Stoneman family. So this not having a job was a super foreign to me. I started a paper-route in elementary school, and ever since I've had a job. So the "work role" was removed from my life, and it scared me to death. Who was I without a job? I knew I was still a worthwhile person, but collecting unemployment still feels like cheating to me. But it will help me make ends until something else comes along. I've had four interviews so far, so I'm feeling really good. Lessons from heaven keep on coming, and I know God knows what is best for me, even when I cannot see what's ahead.
In retrospect, January was spent:
- Celebrating my 22nd year
- Laughing at Jim Gaffigan and Brian Regan Live
- Watching the last episode of my beloved Chuck
- Feeling immense support from "my people"
- Declaring Mass Comm (Journalism sequence) in addition to Film
- Realizing I am 4 semesters from graduating
- Learning, Learning, Learning
- Attending Sundance for my second year (post to come)
- Being true to myself amidst the craziness
- Deciding Coldplay's Paradise and Don't let it break your heart are my unemployment songs
Here are two other songs that always make me feel better on those gloomy days.
Snow Patrol's Give me Strength and here is Alexi Murdoch's All my Days.