April 9, 2015

Waiting for my real life to begin

Hey Team,

Do you ever feel like you are "behind" everyone else? The cars, the kids, the apartments, the husbands, hell, even the degree in my case. On my birthday back in January, one of my wardies let me know a quarter of my life was over. Woof. Shouldn't I have SOMETHING accomplished by this point in my life?

I usually fall prey to an internal voice that is constantly saying "You should have done x better," or "you are such a putz for getting that wrong." But I'm working on turning the volume down on that, and turning up some T-Swift in the Red Baron. I think my greatest accomplishment may not be the temporal stuff, but the relationships I have in my life. They, by far, mean more to me than the car I drive, or some paper on the wall saying I sat in a classroom for a few years.

So in this weird transition thing I'm currently rocking, (i.e. finishing my undergrad, finishing personal progress, becoming debt free, being a better person whilst living in my parents home), I have this constant fear that I am letting someone down. Not only myself, but those people who you see online with great _________ (insert whatever you would like there.) The constant feeling of hurry up and wait.

Yesterday when I was catching John up on some recent happenings, he said to me "It doesn't matter how long it takes, just that you get it." He was referring to math, but technically I think it applies to everything I'm trying to do right now. I know what my goals are, and if people don't understand them, well they can go jump in a lake. Or bring me pizza, whatever the situation calls for. But when I hear songs like this one from Colin Hay, I just think to myself, keep going, keep trying, and bloom where you are planted, as cliche as that sounds. I am living my real life, it just happens to be in my hometown.

Thanks again Col,


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