Flawed Judgement

Hey Team,

Consider this as an open letter to the bros in my ward. If you are not familiar with Mormon-ese, a ward is a geographical location in which you are assigned a church to attend, if possible. I'm pretty lucky to be in Utah, where everything is close and accessible as far as my religion goes.

But back to the bros. Here's some observations I've made in my years in the singles ward, and as someone having no experience being married or having children.

• We're all scared children trying to figure things out. Financially, emotionally, etc. You don't have to be Donald Trump to get yourself a wife. Many women are financially savvy, or working towards it in my case, and I would say 95% of us are more than happy to work, kids or no kids. You don't need to put off dating anyone since you have this Mad Men mentality of, "I have to provide every single thing for my family as the breadwinner." Yes, you are very capable, but that burden can be shared.Think of it as a partnership, instead of having to slave away every moment for the rest of your life to make ends meet. Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured."

• You will not have everything your parents do right off the bat. Again with the fantasy life. Great house, great car, great wife, great job etc. I'm not saying you can't have it all. I believe we all can with hard work and persistence. But as an adviser once told me, you should enjoy and get used to being 'poor' at the beginning of marriage. You are learning to live with another person,and work on a budget together. Most of us don't expect trips to Nordstrom everyday, and a three story McMansion on top of the hill as soon as we've said I do. Plus, if your wife is expecting that, boy what did you get yourself into? In my own opinion, I'd rather have a modest house, and have money left over at the end of the month for a pizza. Just me.

• Stop with the self-doubt. Unfortunately for most of us, the little voice of doubt has taken permanent residence in our minds. Fake it until you make it. The worst answer you will get is no. Next. This applies to dating, job interviews, all aspects of life. We will get many no's. But one yes can make many no's bearable. Jesse Thomas said "Real improvement comes from going beyond your comfort zone. Let the fear fuel you."

Here's to figuring it all out together, 

Jana